Finding A Good Man! Is It A Dream?

By Tameka Williams-Walker

It is almost the end of the year 2016. 2017 is just around the corner and many women are even more focused on reorganizing their priorities. One issue that I wanted to revisit was single educated women who are struggling with finding a good man or the man of their dreams. Sometimes you see these women in relationships, where they are the major breadwinner or they are in a relationship with a man considered out of their “status quo.” They are educated, financially stable and they do not have any child(ren), yet they continue to settle for mediocre relationships because they want companionship or they are afraid to be alone. Many women constantly struggle with this dilemma, but should a man’s background and his lack of finances or a college education diminish the fact that he is still a good man?

Many times we are so blindsided by what society deems to be a great catch (he is ambitious, physically appealing, financially stable and educated), that we forget about things like character, integrity etc. We become shallow and sell out our happiness for money or social status. However, as strong, beautiful, educated and financially savvy women, never settle for less than what you deserve. Never settle for mediocrity.

In an attempt to make good choices, there are certain questions that you should ask yourself when going into or when you are in a relationship.

  • Relationship Goals: Do you want a partner or a companion? In other words, are you looking for someone to “kick it with,” or do you want a stable partner, a husband in your life?
  • Character/Background: What is his relationship with his family like, especially with his mother? It sounds cliché, but a measure of how a man will treat you as the relationship progresses may depend on his family dynamics or how he treats his mom. Does he have any friends? What are they like? You know the saying “birds of a feather flock together…”
  • Personal Goals: What are his goals 5, 10, 20 years from now? Does he seem ambitious? You should know if his goals are doable or if he is just telling you what he thinks you want to hear.
  • Parenting: How does he feel about children? If he has a child or children, observe how he treats them. Also, note the relationship he has with the mother of his child(ren). If he does not have children, observe how he behaves around other people’s children.
  • Professional growth: What is his highest educational achievement? Does he have a skill? What is it? Does he plan to go back to school? Does he have a lucrative career?
  • Finances: How is it looking? Swim or Sink? Pay close attention to how he spends his money. There is the spendthrift and the stingy man. However, you want to get the one in the middle; the wise spender, who knows how to budget. It is not how much you earn, but how you spend it.
  • Attitude. This is major! Does he overreact to the smallest things? Is he controlling? Is he extremely jealous? Is he illogical with his arguments? The jealous or possessive behavior is not cute and can become a major problem later on. It’s quite possible too that you are not in love; you are in LUST!! Many times lust can turn into a dark obsession.
  • Abuse: Is he abusive? This is non-negotiable, whether verbal or physical. Walk away from this relationship. If he curses at you, berates you, calls you names, constantly puts you down and/or BEATS you, LEAVE!!!!


At the end of the day, it is important that you continuously evaluate your priorities in life and evaluate what YOU are looking for in a partner. Most importantly, as a child of God ALWAYS pray for wisdom, understanding, and guidance in navigating the sea of love.

From my heart to yours, peace, love, and blessings.

Modified from original post, January 2016. All Rights Reserved © 2016.

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